I did not expect this.
Today, I took my Loupiote to the osteopath. It was a first for her as much as for me. In my head, the osteopath was only a kind of physiotherapist and I drove my daughter today to see if it was possible to make him pass this ugly hiccup she has constantly. That was all.
Instead, we went back in time. The osteo, a young woman, asks me first of all how was my delivery. I explain that I was triggered. In my arms, Lou begins to stir and I see the young woman throw him a few glances. Before going into details, I said that the outbreak was very complicated but the delivery was then simple and fast. In my arms, Lou began to cry and stiffen, she is very tense. The osteo interrupts me, looks at Lou and says to me: "It is she who will tell us the continuation, she reacts very strongly when you speak about it".
At that moment I wondered if I had not fallen at the only osteo esoteric corner. How could a 6-week-old baby tell the day of his birth? I lay Lou on the Bibeddu cabinet, I put body. The osteo invited me to sit next to the desk in a chair and then began to communicate with my daughter. First by very wide gestures around her, to hang her eyes. Then closer and closer to putting his hand on his belly. She introduced herself, told him what they would do together. That she was going to help him evacuate all the tensions of his birth. I already had a heart on the edge of my lips. Because if Lou was preparing to come back on March 13th, I would go back there too. Pain. The false work that did not end, for hours. Fear, cries, tears, exhaustion. And this pain, again and again, endless.
Lou was very calm. The osteo manipulated her a little, sometimes loosening her thumb a little too much, sometimes releasing her left leg from a latent tension. Then she wrapped it on herself, in the position she had just before birth, and that's when it all started, with little grunts of discomfort. The osteo, while feeling very slightly the body of my baby, began to pose against it various small bottles for a few seconds. The first two had no effect. In the 3rd, Lou began to cry, in a way still completely unknown to my ears. I heard fear in her screams, an intense fear. Panic mixed with incomprehension, it was very strange. She was moving in all directions, her mouth was frantically seeking the breast. The osteo looked at me to reassure me, I did not say anything, I trusted ... She rested the bottle, the tears were calmed. The 4th had no effect too, but the 5th made the tears start again. The 6th amplified the phenomenon to lead my daughter to anger. Strident weeping, his whole body stiffens with the effort.
The osteo put the bottles on the table and I took a quick look. On the 3rd, we could read "Oxytocin". On the 5th, "Morphine". On the 6th, "Peridural SN". For the duration of the operation, the young woman had spoken to Lou slowly. As she was putting down the oxytocin bottle and my daughter was crying, she said, "Yes, you were taken aback, you did not think about it like that". In my chair, I could not contain my tears ... no, that's right, we had not considered things like that. Everything had started so well ... and then the cholestasis, the anxiety to lose it forever, the treatments, the trigger. No, no one had considered things like that.
The osteo continues his manipulations and returns Lou lying down. She begins to compress some parts of her body. She will explain to me at the end of the session that at this moment, she simulated the contractions acting on Lou's body inside the belly. For the second time, screams. My daughter had entered at the moment in intense anger. His legs, completely stiff and hard as wood, grew in the vacuum at regular intervals. The osteo gradually refocuses one of his hands to the forehead of my baby, and continues to compress the other key areas of his body. And Lou is still screaming. She is in a terrible anger, chained spasm, becomes redder than ever and this air of incomprehension in her tears is felt again. Moments later, the osteo tells her that she has worked well, that it will get better now that she "cried her memories" and that all the tensions of childbirth have been evacuated. My little girl falls asleep at once, the osteo resumes the manipulations and Lou will not wake up to the house.
I looked at the scene haughtily, without saying a word. Not a minute I was afraid for her, because I saw right away that she unload something remained probably locked there, in her, since the first day. It was so impressive. Once Lou was asleep, the osteo translated everything I had just seen: "Your trigger did not work immediately. You spent a lot of hours doing false work, you shouted a lot and cried, the pain was extremely violent. You took morphine. It was the epidural injection that ended the ordeal and Lou arrived. "I listened, a little numb. I was not involved in the details, the process of my release was recorded nowhere in the documents she had in hand at the beginning of the session. She went on to explain to me that all the inflections of voices heard for an hour in the tears of my daughter told us how she had lived the delivery. First fear and misunderstanding, with this discharge of hormones that from one minute to another tried to put her on the door of her cocoon when she was not ready to leave. Then the thrusts on her legs to go out, the skull that supports and tries to open the way since it was forced to do so, but this collar that did not open and this little baby who stumbled constantly against the door remaining desperately closed. Misunderstanding giving way to anger. Then, finally, the epidural. The beginning of the real work, the descent, the exit. And finally, Mom. Appeasement.
This whole day of false work where my daughter stumbled, again and again, on the closed collar refusing to move arise all the little worries she showed: by beating the top of the skull on the cervix, a contracture had formed between the shoulder blades. That's why I found it painful when I manipulated it for bathing or changing it. The contractions of the false work occurring every minute for nearly 11 hours without any possibility of respite and more violent than the others, having compressed too often, too much, too long, his stomach had moved slightly, raising his diaphragm. That's why she always had hiccups as soon as she was handled a little too quickly after a feed and she regurgitated often.
Before dressing it, the osteo poured a few drops of each of the bottles into very small plastic bags and carefully closed them again. She explained to me that the sudden influx of toxins in utero at the time of the outbreak had fouled the liver of my baby, the only organ able to treat their elimination but still too little mature at this stage to perform this drainage properly. She hung the small bags at a button of the body and told me to leave them well, night and day, for 9 full days: the contact with the molecule, the body will resume the process of elimination started during the childbirth and thus cleanse the liver of all leftover product. Incidentally, his infant acne should disappear, since it is systematically due to the liver and the bad elimination of certain toxins at the beginning of the life. I will have learned some things today ...
That was our first osteo session. A machine to go back in time ... and I understand better now everything that has happened since birth. This constant need of my daughter to be against me, this immediate appeasement induced by the portage, her sleep much better when one is in cododo. It has been torn from its case and these situations are all ways for her to find him. My need, for me, to fill this 9th month so brutally interrupted by wrapping my baby with my arms, sleeping with her, keeping her close to me. At the time of writing, she is sleeping. She could just as well be in her bed, or in bed, why not. But no. I keep it there, all against me, in the sling. Within reach of hug. And within reach of my tears that I have struggled to contain since this morning. That day, she had pain, she was afraid ... what happened is not my fault, but I always ask forgiveness for these first difficult moments.
And I tell her that everything is fine now, that she must not worry.
I tell him that Mom is here.
Lou, my baby so wise, 6 weeks to this day.